Surrogates: What to Ask Intended Parents the First Time You Meet

Worldwide Surrogacy Specialists

3/1/21


A reputable surrogacy agency will have successful experience matching surrogates with Intended Parents. When working with WSS, once a potential Intended Parent is presented to a surrogate, a Skype or phone call will soon be arranged so both parties can speak directly.

It is important to make sure the Intended Parents' values, wants, and expectations align with yours as a surrogate. Use the first conversation to get the answers that will help you decide if this is the right family for you.

Begin By Sharing Your Stories

Ask the Intended Parents why they are choosing surrogacy. Hearing what led them to their decision is a nice way to open the discussion. Once you know their story, you may choose to share why you want to become a surrogate. This introductory conversation can help all of you to transition more comfortably to talk about the necessary details.

Explore What Kind of Relationship Is Expected During the Surrogacy Journey

There are different ways Intended Parents can be involved with surrogates during the process. Learn how they would like to participate: Will they attend all doctor appointments? Just the ultrasounds? If they live abroad, would the Intended Parents like to participate via Skype/FaceTime? Do they hope to meet periodically? Answers to these questions will guide you towards your decision.

Talk About the Birth

Find out who the Intended Parents would like to be present at the birth. Are they comfortable with both families being there? If the baby is delivered by C-section, are they comfortable with the husband of the surrogate being in the delivery room? Are they comfortable with the surrogate's children meeting the baby? Discussing the details of the birth is very important to ensure that there will be no surprises in the future.

What About After the Birth?

Ask the Intended Parents what kind of relationship they want once the baby is born. Do they want their child to know the surrogate personally or are they more comfortable sharing occasional email updates? Do they plan to tell the child he/she was born via surrogacy? Relationships after the child is born vary case by case based on everyone's comfort level and plans for informing the children via surrogacy.

Learn Their Views on the Sensitive Details

While certain topics might be uncomfortable to initiate with strangers, you will be grateful to have that information before choosing to move forward with a potential Intended Parent. Ask questions including: How many IVF cycles are they willing to attempt? How do they feel about multiples? What are their thoughts about selective reduction? What are their thoughts on termination and under what circumstances would they find it necessary? What, if any, dietary or exercise restrictions do they have? There are no right or wrong answers as long as both parties are happy and comfortable.

Discuss Your Particular Requirements

Some surrogates prefer to have a midwife, doula, etc. The first conversation is a great time to learn if the Intended Parents will approve of your particular surrogate requirements.

Take Advantage of the Opportunity

The surrogacy agency will help you through the process, but you should certainly discuss with the Intended Parents the details and any sensitive issues that may arise. The first meeting is the perfect opportunity to put forth the effort and learn all you can about the hopes, wants and needs of your potential surrogacy partners. Once the match has been confirmed you will embark on an amazing journey together!

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