Is It Better To Find a Surrogate Who Is A Close Friend Or Relative?

Victoria Ferrara

6/24/14

The decision to have a child via surrogacy is a life changing one, but it also comes along with the decision of choosing a suitable Gestational Carrier. There are various ways that a Gestational Carrier may be found. You can choose someone that you personally know who is willing to be your carrier, such as a sister or close friend. While this may seem convenient and simpler in terms of having a woman available who is willing to carry a baby for you, there is something to be said for having a non-relative or non-friend as the Gestational Carrier.

Whenever there is a known Gestational Carrier, there are always more complicated social and family issues to grapple with. For example, if a sister is the Gestational Carrier and birth mother for a child who is to be raised by her sister and her sister's husband, then what will the Gestational Carrier's relationship with the child be like? Obviously she is a relative of the child, but does her role become more significant to the point where it may cause discomfort or tension in the family? This is something to consider if you are choosing a relative or close family friend as your Gestational Carrier. There are some cases like this that work beautifully but it is important to consider all aspects of all the relationships involved.  You want to ensure a smooth and positive surrogacy journey, as well as a happy and problem-free life raising the child.

On the other hand, there is a greater cost associated with securing a Gestational Carrier who you don't know, both time and money wise. However, an "arms-length" manner of proceeding may present less tension and awkwardness after a child is born. Generally, after the birth, the Gestational Carrier would return to her own life and does not have great expectations of keeping in touch with you or the child. Further, you have no obligation to keep in touch with the Gestational Carrier. As a result, you are able to maintain more privacy about the surrogacy, if you wish to do so. In most cases, friends and family know the child was born via surrogacy, but there is not a constant reminder if the Gestational Carrier is not a relative or close family friend.

This being said, there is no right or wrong way to choose a Gestational Carrier. Each surrogacy arrangement or journey will be different and it is important to carefully consider all options and then follow a course that seems right for you.

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