How to Explain Surrogacy to Your Child

Worldwide Surrogacy Specialists


Surrogacy is one of the greatest gifts a woman can give to a prospective family. However, having the conversation with your own child about the process isn't always as simple as you might hope. Your child may experience any number of emotions, ranging from confusion, to excitement, to anger, to jealousy.

Luckily, there's a number of ways to help you explain the surrogacy process that will make everyone more comfortable about starting the journey.  

Keep it Age-Appropriate

The first thing to consider is to keep the conversation simple, speaking in terms that your child will understand. Emphasize how you are becoming a surrogate to help another family, and make it clear that the baby will not be a part of your family after the birth.

Do your best to stick to the most important facts and leave out the details that will only confuse your child. The last thing you want to do is overwhelm him or her with an overabundance of information that they really don't need.

Remain Positive

Children are generally very open-minded, and are apt to feel excited about something if you do. The more positive and upbeat you can be about the experience, the more receptive he or she will be in return.

If your child is old enough, try suggesting something that he or she can do to help you during your pregnancy, such as giving you a hand around the house. Most children will jump at the opportunity to be helpful, and will take pride in their contributions.

Tell a Story

Children tend to be visual learners, so anytime you can explain something through storytelling, particularly with images, the more likely they are to engage with it.

Fortunately, there is no shortage of children's books centered around surrogacy, and these can really help your child understand the process.

The Kangaroo Pouch by Sarah Phillips Pellet is a popular choice. Narrated by a young kangaroo named Oliver, the story is centered around his mother's decision to help another family have a baby.

The Very Kind Koala: A Surrogacy Story for Children by Kimberly Kluger-Bell is a charming picture book that introduces surrogacy through the story of a koala bear and her husband. The pair need the help of a very kind koala to carry their baby in her pouch.

Hope and Will Have a Baby: The Gift of Surrogacy by Irene Celcer is the heartwarming story of an inquisitive little boy who learns of his parents' quest to have children, and the success they ultimately achieve in creating a family.

Listen to Feedback

Naturally, your child will have a lot to absorb after your discussion, and the best thing to do is give him or her some time to digest afterwards.

Once your child is ready to discuss further, encourage him or her to ask questions about the process. Knowledge is power, so equip your child with the information needed so that your surrogacy journey will be as smooth as possible.

At the end of the day, regardless of how your child reacts to the news, remember that he or she loves you unconditionally and will assimilate to the situation over time. The best thing you can do is be understanding, and allow your child to deal with the information in his or her own way.  

Remember that what you are doing is truly remarkable, and one day your child will love you all the more for it.

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