An Interview with Two Mothers

Victoria Ferrara

11/16/16

The love a parent feels for their child is all-consuming. Once someone has experienced this gift, it becomes easy to understand why others want it too.

It is always heartbreaking to hear the painful details of others' reproductive struggles, especially when that person talks about wanting their own child more than anything else. As a parent, it is easy to empathize with others who are struggling to grow a family of their own. Yet it is not yet common enough to hear experienced mothers exploring their options to become gestational surrogates.

I asked two experienced moms what they did and did not know about gestational surrogacy. I chose these moms because they each have more than one child. Also, both women have decided they are done growing their own families. Each woman was asked the same questions and responded with compassion for the process and an openness to learn about gestational surrogacy.

How would you describe being a parent?

Understandably, both moms described the overwhelming joy and sense of fulfillment they received the moment they became a parent. One of the moms explained how she had felt fulfilled before children, however, once she gave birth to her firstborn, her life "had real meaning." She described how everything changed with this greatest of responsibilities worth every ounce of effort.

Have you ever thought about helping someone else experience childbirth through surrogacy?

One of the women responded that she had never thought about becoming a surrogate mother. The other mom shared that she did not think she would be able to part with a child she had carried to term. She believed she would be too attached to the child, and would worry about how her two children would feel if she gave the baby away.

Neither of the women were familiar with gestational surrogacy or how it differed from traditional surrogacy. During our conversations, I explained gestational surrogacy, how a gestational carrier shares no biological relationship to the child and is essentially sharing her uterus with another family in need.

Would you ever consider being a gestational surrogate?

There is a contagious wave of enthusiasm surrounding the gestational surrogacy experience. Both of the moms were enchanted by the thought they could make someone else's dreams of parenthood come true. One of the women was particularly interested in how her egg would not be needed or even requested. She and I looked online at stories of experienced gestational carriers. We read about their mindset to provide optimal care for the child while maintaining a healthy perspective that the child is simply "borrowing" her womb for nine months.

The other mom was equally intrigued but less likely to explore becoming a surrogate. She experienced complications during her second pregnancy and did not think surrogacy was for her. She did, however, say that she would mention it to other moms she knows.

Educating people about gestational surrogacy is important. There are many wonderful families waiting for the right gestational surrogate to make their dreams of growing their family come true. Please share the word about the amazing gift of surrogacy and start a dialogue with one another!

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